If an abundant life is one lived by soul in a spirit of love , what is a spirit of love?
Power is Native, Love is Foreign
In the previous episode I explored the idea of living by spirit and the spirit that dominates life in this world, power. A spirit of power is so pervasive in this life that we simply assume it is the way things are. Power is akin to the parable offered by David Foster Wallace in his essay, This is Water. It tells of two fish swimming along talking when a third fish swims by and says, “Enjoy the water.” The first two fish pause, look at one another, and once the fish going the other way is out of earshot, they as each other, “What’s water?”
In other words, power is so ubiquitous we do not even notice it and it is difficult to even imagine another way of being. That is why the second spirit Nouwen identifies, the spirit of love, is so radical and terrifying. While power often leaves us trying to craft who others consider us to be, love is “based on the mutuality of the confession of our total self to each other” (29). Living by a spirt of love means a life of genuine embrace. But an embrace cannot be genuine until you dare to be seen and insist on seeing others.
A Spirit of Love
So what does living in a spirit of love look like?
On one hand, living in a spirit of love means we seek to disempower shame as we not only invite but gently press others towards absolute vulnerability. By taking shames power we can maneuver around the typical protective mechanisms of defending, excusing, explaining, and rationalizing the uglier side of our stories (I picked up this acronym from Robert Glover). It also means pressing others to explore blind spots that limit perspective. When done well, this means the full ugliness of someone’s story is on the table, and in that moment, where they feel the most unlovable and exposed, they experience embrace.
It is important to note that this isn’t a minimizing of wrongs done or a dismissal of consequences, rather it is letting someone know that even in the worst moment of their story, they are still worthy of love.
But because living in a spirit of love involves mutuality, it does not just invite this behavior like an exceptional therapist, it models it. It takes the risk of potential rejection and believes that despite our own darkness, that we too are worthy of love.
Love is Hard
I have to admit, it is difficult for me to say these words. While I have spent years inviting others to step into this vulnerable space, it is only in the past couple years that I have begun to reciprocate the same vulnerability. For years I only offered enough of myself to give the illusion of being truly exposed. And that is before reflecting on my many blind spots which come the societal advantages I experience as a straight white male.
In other words, as much as I want to live in a spirit of love, I still struggle because of my own battles with shame and my inability to see the world beyond my privileged perspective. Perhaps that why Nouwen considers it nothing less than a conversion to become aware that living in a spirit of love is even possible.
Faith, Power, and Love
While I have avoided talk of any religious tradition in this introductory series, it is time to make a few important points.
- Whenever faith is dogmatized, it becomes a religion. Religions operate according to power. Religions craft the divine so God looks like us.
- Because God is love, God relates to humanity in a spirit of love.
- Throughout the Bible, God invites humanity into the struggle between the spirits of power and love.
- A spirit of love will ultimately win. This is what Dr. Martin Luther King meant when he said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.”
The Bible and a Spirit of Love
In the Bible, we most clearly see the divine operating in a spirit of love through Jesus. Jesus came to reject the way of power and demonstrate the way of love. Moreover, it is because a spirit of love most benefits those who lose under a spirit of power, that Jesus was crucified.
But I do not see this distinction only in the teachings of Jesus. I think this is also what sets apart the Sufi and Jewish mystics from other streams of the Islamic and Jewish traditions. It is what streams of Buddhism invite us to embrace as well. But I tend to talk about it from the Bible because that is the ancient text that most captures my heart.
However, before I delve specifically into the Bible, I want to share what it means for me personally to live by soul in a spirit of love.spirit of love.
This Series
This post is part of a five-part series introducing a big picture take on faith. They are the foundation for everything brought to the crafting table by Abundance Reconstructed. Here are links to the whole series: